When I wrote about my decision to stop teaching and writing about yoga, a key aspect was having more time for self-study. But there was another aspect to my decision, that I was not brave enough to write about at the time. As I had been increasingly exploring the cultural appropriation of yoga and the links with racism and colonisation, I progressively became unable to reconcile those harms with my own teaching of yoga. I could not find a way to envision how I could keep teaching and writing about yoga in a way that would not continue to cause harm and would not continue to culturally appropriate and deny the history and roots of yoga.
I’m not saying it’s not possible, I’m saying that I do not know how I could do it as a white woman who practices and trained in a colonised western version of yoga. I do know, at a minimum, I needed to step back and take time to learn. So the desire for self-study was particularly about setting aside more time to genuinely start the journey of understanding the colonisation and cultural appropriation of yoga, and therefore the wider context of colonisation and racism and my role in that as a white woman and pākehā living in Aotearoa New Zealand who immigrated from the USA – two countries with a history of colonisation and racism.
I’m not writing this post, or the corrections you will increasingly see to my past posts, as an expert. I am a neophyte in this journey and it’s clear, it’s a lifelong one.
I am writing this now for 2 two reasons: 1) writing is a way of reflection and learning for me and 2) as Saira Rao and Regina Jackson call out in their book “listening and learning” is not enough, so I’m owning up to, calling out and trying to change my own personal racism, perpetuation of colonisation and cultural appropriation, specifically in yoga.
As I read their book White Women: Everything You Already Know About Your Own Racism and How to Do Better, many times over they shared examples of white women’s racism. And then they challenged me, as a white woman reader, to not deny my own racism. They called out, that we would likely read the stories of racism and think that’s terrible, I’ve never done that, I’d never do that.
But the truth is white women, we have done it and we are doing it, whether it’s intentional or unconscious or not.
It can feel hard to see our own racism, when we don’t want to be racist, and we feel like we are trying our best, and have good intentions.
I was reading their chapter on toxic positivity when the lightbulb clicked.
As I read that chapter, I thought about the blog post I wrote about love and the loving kindness meditation (which I wrote in response to the terrorist attack on Christchurch masjidain in which 51 people were murdered in New Zealand by a man driven by white supremacy and islamophobia). And there it was, my toxic positivity in all it’s glory (see my updated post on toxic positivity).
When I went to update that post, I realised that wasn’t the only time I had done it. I’d also written about compassion in the wake of the covid-19 pandemic when violence was rising again in NZ.
It was then that I realised that this blog – 8 years, hundreds of posts, is full of examples of my own racism and cultural appropriation of yoga. And that it presents an opportunity to learn and take action. I can use the past blogs posts of previous thoughts and writing as a pathway of reflecting and unpacking racism and cultural appropriation. I could take action by acknowledging where the issues were, taking ownership for my words and seeking to share my imperfect learning journey.
So this post is to let you know that my blog, isn’t exactly dormant. Rather I’m #fixingit. While I’m not writing new content, you will see corrections to posts popping up. And if you see something problematic on an old post or even an update/correction, because the learning is continuous, feel free to let me know. I’m not asking anyone else to be responsible for my actions, but I welcome reflections.
